Story "La Journée de la Vérité" in Swiss Bank UBS
printStory "La Journée de la Vérité" in Swiss Bank UBS
You think that this story will be a fairy-tale? Right you are. But there is more truth in it than you would ever guess. Read in between the lines and you will understand anything about Geo-politics, theories of economics and accounting and above all, about the true nature of human beings.
It was a marvellous day. Sun, fun, nothing to do. High up in the hills near Feusisberg, above the Lake of Zurich, beautiful sight in all directions. To the south the Alps, in the west Zurich Down-Town Switzerland Area, all around the green pastures, full of cows making Swiss milk and chocolate. True, dear Reader, the nicest paradise in this world, ever seen.
In one of the Top Hotels of Zurich, where in the Wellness-Zones even Soccer Idols, the real Suckers of this world, are eating and sleeping and fuc…. can't say it claims my publisher… okay, they make love in this hotel with the most beautiful Edel-Whores of Downtown Switzerland near Unique Airport of Swissair, sorry, of Air SWISS.
In the great room of first class restaurant, a separated great table, sitting at it: Marcel Ospel, President and former CEO of UBS - by far largest Private bank in this world. They have about 20 percent in administration of the wealth of the richest VIP on this Globe. Marcel is surrounded by other VIP, rich chaps, Delegates of foreign finance organisations, of some hedge funds and other shit. Whenever he opens his mouth, all other keep quiet and listen to the prophet.
Other important people in some distance look over to UBS-Ospel and whisper about the honour of being in this restaurant too, when GOD in Person, GOD of Finance is eating caviar and drinking very expensive Bordeaux Vine.
Marcel Ospel laughs a lot, he is on his heights of his career, famous, gets about 20 millions of salary and options, not taxed. That nice guy is full of life and satisfaction.
Comes in UBS-CFO, Corporate Finance Officer, Mr. Renard with name, getting at the seat of Ospel, bending deep his back and after some words, they disappear immediately in a Separee:
Renard: "Dear President of UBS. I have bad news. Here a report from Rene Delavy, Chief of the Chartered Accounting Team, our Auditors. You know, without his report, no Meeting of Board of Directors, no General Meeting of the Shareholders, no re-election of Marcel Ospel as President can be arranged…"
Ospel: "Renard, you are an idiot. I am the Greatest. Never ever, not even GW Bush, will dare to say anything against my position. What is so important?"
Renard: "We are bankrupt. The Equity of UBS has gone…"
Ospel: "Equity? Did you come to talk about HORSES, god damn? Are you mad-gone, Inferior?"
Renard: "I meant Net Equity. The difference of assets and debts of a Company, to say: Shareholders' capital, plus reserves, plus retained earnings. Our own money, representing the shareholders value of UBS - is gone down the drain…"
Ospel: "My God, I know everything of UBS, made the Merger of Schweiz. Bankgesellschaft Zurich with Schweiz. Bankverein Basel, got rid of former CEO Cabiavalleta and some other idiots of former SBG, had double function as CEO and President - I know everything about my FIRM, of the tremendous intelligence of our Investment Group in New York, know all of securities and stock exchanges - Tammi!!"
Renard: "Rene Delavy, he is outside in my car, has written the contrary in a Report, lying on your table in Zurich, 200 pages of facts. He found out with his Auditing Team that UBS has lost 20 Billion Dollars in values end of last year, due to sub-prime Politics of George W. Bush and Greenspan, in financing for years in mortgage-junk, assisted by Fanny Mae and Freddie Mercury, sorry, Mac. If Stock Exchanges go deeper, we might even lose 60 Billion. The only way to prevent bankruptcy is accepting money from Funds in Singapore and Emirates of Saudis, sorry to say."
Ospel seems to seize the severity of the situation, makes a terrible outcry and asks for Rene Delavy to join the team. Rene Delavy comes in, a beautiful guy, slim, sportish, dirty shoes, in Blue Jeans, no white shirt, black suit and black Mercedes. AND NO TIE. He looks down on Marcel, like on a worm. This grand ass is white-pale in his face and when sitting down, Rene puts his legs on the expensive wooden table and grins devilish like hell, waiting on the first words of GOD himself.
Ospel: "So, you are the head of our international accounting firm? Jesus. Never saw you, never asked for you, never knew you would exist. Speak up. What is the problem?"
Rene Delavy cleans his finger-nails, let's get out a huge fart and begins to speak:
"Dear Marcel Ospel, learn this: UBS, Credit Suisse, LGT, LLB, Merry Lynching, Morgan Low IQ Trust, Liarmen Brothers, Goldwoman Sex, Funny Mac and Freddy Max, Deutsche Ackerman, Citi-Shitgroup, all banks in principle, are bankrupt and don't know it. 20 years of economic craziness have done its work. We have no other means than ask the States of USA, Switzerland and Germany, France, England, Spain etc. to save the MESS they produced since 1980, under the spell of Popper, Friedman, Shock doctrine, Allah Spam de Greenhorn, Bernanke Ignoramus and some other idiots out of NGOs like IMF, Worldbank, WEF in Davos, Jeffy Sachs plus Kagan in Berkeley, plus Kissinger in Chile-Hell, plus Gorbachev in Moscow…"
Ospel: "Stop it, stop it - immediately. I do not want to hear such rotten language. Just tone down a little, or not one media will publish your shit anymore. First, you mention incorrect names. Second, the fine mathematical instruments of the fastest idiots of Dynamite Prizes of Stockholm can't be wrong and third, all is just an error during a glimpse of time in this very moment. Tomorrow, the greediest idiots of all times will be just as rich and not tax-paying as before, with the help of our Swiss Bank Secrecy laws and our 1000 models of tax preventing with aid of Liechtenstein, Monaco, Bahamas, Cayman, Macao, Hong Kong, Singapore…."
Delavy: "Singapore, I was there, also in Hong Kong. In Singapore there is a park where all methods of torturing and killing in Old China are shown, remembered me of the Finance Business in Switzerland, USA and Singapore. Yes, UBS is bankrupt just as USA. You can take up new Equity from State Funds in Singapore or Saudi Arabia, but when Stock Exchanges tumble to hell, the whole GW Bush-Greenspan Systems will fall down the drain and nothing, nothing can ever stop the results of greedy politics in this world, since neo-liberalism of Friedman started. Just go now to your General Meeting of the Shareholders, let down your pants full of shit and go to hell. You never respected me, never understood my books, never were interested in the real functioning of geo-politics, economics, finance and banking - and thus cheating middle class and make explode poor classes, those Untouchables, worldwide - so just go to hell now…."
Rene takes his shoes from the table, walks slowly to the door and the rest will now be written in original language - to show some sort of highest literature:
--- Die Türe zu diesem vornehmen Raum knallte ins Schloss. Ospel sank langsam in sich zusammen. Renard tigerte um den Tisch, den Tränen nahe. Die UBS und andere Banken waren erledigt. Das Ende einer wundervollen Zeit des Abzockens war endlich gekommen und die Realität hat die Finanzplätze der Schweiz und der Restwelt wieder erfasst.
Eine angenehme Wärme eines herrlichen Frühlingstages umfing Rene Delavy, als er aus dem edlen Hotel in die unwirklich schöne, landwirtschaftliche Realität trat. Er fühlte sich wohl. Endlich, endlich hat im realen Leben seine Voraussage in seiner Literatur die gegebene Situation, von allen "Intellektuellen" dieser Welt nie gesehen, eingeholt. Nun konnte er seinen Beruf an den Nagel hängen und fortan privatisieren und das Leben ohne Belastung durch die Betrüger im unsäglich dumm gewordenen Consulting-Business geniessen.
Dans le lointain, le Lac de Zurich changeait ses couleurs de moment a moment, la vie semblait legere, l'air plaine d'Odeurs magnifiques. Rene marchait en direction du Lac, en bas le long d'un ruisselet, il sifflait tout doucement, pensait ce qu'il devrait faire ce soir - manger avec son amie, en compagnie de son chien gentil, ecrire une Editors Letter et sentir, comme la vie continue vers sa fin du temps et de ses jours. Maintenant, tout etait bon, plus rien a faire avec les criminels du Financing Business de ce Monde irrealiste. Rene est enfin arrive. Il est heureux ---
Rene Delavy, Berlin and Bournemouth
Author of "PLADESNIEKANT" / "John Demaster" / "Reise in die Phantastik der Vergangenheit" / "2008 - World Economy due to U.S. Politics in Free Fall" and some other fairy-tales.