Correct and true History about Jesus Christ
printCorrect and true History about Jesus Christ
Newest researches of the "Forum for Christian Scientologists" in Davos have found out what follows:
Most of Anti-Darwinists in the Bible-belt have so far argued about Jesus Christ like this:
- Jesus was murdered by Jews in ancient times because they waited for another Christ to come. And this was the start of Christianity, more precisely of Rome's Popes and Priests of Catholicism.
So, this has been the generally accepted theory about Jesus, until this very day.
But now, very bright heads have a new theory, as found out by Shock terrorists, sorry, theorists, known as the Chicago Boys, in Berkeley and Chicago Universities, assisted by minor Schools of little importance in Massachusetts, Oxford and Cambridge, in the service of top-CEOs.
They pretend, established history is pure bullshit and junk. And they come up with the following shocking history:
At times of Jesus, some Catholic Popes did not like his Speeches on the Mount, at rivers and near the Mediterranean Sea. And so they let him overshadow by CIA and FBI, more precisely by their local branch Mossad. And the more they learnt about Jesus Christ, the more they became angry, those agents and their chiefs, the priests and other hypocrites, about the queer life-style of a long-haired hippy, saying to be some Son of God.
Finally, the chief in charge in Rome decided to declare Jesus to be a male witch and ordered to have him burnt alive. Worse is that they have noticed how this gay, contrary to the Catholic Priest in California and elsewhere, did make love to women instead of young boys. This was illegal at those times. And therefore, they arrested Jesus and wanted to place him on top of a funeral pile.
The Romans came along and said: "Such matters can only be done in Rome in our colossal Arena, with stupid Christians, and never with Jews like the chap called Jesus - so let him free."
The catholic Pope gave order to bring Jesus on a mountain near Jerusalem and to burn him there, far away from Cesar's troops. But they did not count on the good-heartedness for the Mossad from the Jews. They came along, said that it would be inhuman to burn an innocent human alive and offered, to nail Jesus to a wooden cross. Some scientists argued that already at those times, Israelis had to act like this as they were afraid of Christ's power, as they were about the one of the Islamists in the Afghan mountains, or the Saudis near oil wells and Iranians atom wishes when copying the behaviour of hegemoniacs, living in Far West, not yet discovered by Columbus.
Finally came along some Swiss bankers, paid hundred dimes for the dead body of Jesus because they knew that this chap would be soon a legend and then the Abzockers from Switzerland (or was it Monaco, Las Vegas, Washington or Moscow?) - anyhow those Gentlemen knew that the hands, eyes, tongue, feet etc. including his shirt, shoes, condoms etc. would be valued a fortune in any Sotheby's Auction in future when times become crazy.
The financial experts didn't get far since some Chinese pilgrims stopped the greedy Friedmans by shock and awe, got all those valuable matters and buried them somewhere near Baghdad in Iraq. There they are still, near the rivers Euphrat and Tigris as it seems, anyway somewhere near Himalaya. Later, computer experts from India came along with a Nano-Tata car, having read about this legendary tales and wishing to become as rich as Buffet and Gates together.
In the foregoing centuries, by lack of real parts of Jesus, the Catholics invented some copies of them, taken from other sources and now they show those relics today in several hundred of cathedrals and churches all around the globe. And thus it is proven, that whatever you me learn in outside U.S. Universities, in France, England, Germany or Teheran about that topic, must be of superficial nature or even a pure joke.
Jesus did not only have problems with his death - worse was his birth. Once young Jesus realized that Joseph could hardly be his father and so he went to Maria: "Mama, can you tell me: Who is my real Papa?" We must know that at those times, the so-called in-vivo method was not yet invented what will lead in future to millions of fatherless children, asking about the same question. Now we must know that Maria had a rather wild youth and so she was very much embarrassed in identifying the real Papa and so she spoke to Jesus: "Listen, dear son, only God in heaven knows…" - and this was the start of a further biological legend about her immaculate or pure-virgin conception.
But still the serious scientists with Prizes of Dynamite in Oslo and Stockholm are not yet convinced if this Jesus had ever been put in this funny world at all - and so it is uncertain until this very day what happened and plenty of bestselling books are written about the search for a confirmation by science what sort of story could be "correct and true". Whatever version about Jesus you may learn: Without a testified report by God personally, any version can be true or false. Who cares? By the way: This phenomenon exists with all religions.
After this remark, it is time to learn that even in a gloss about religion, matters must be unsaid: There are thousands of things to be glossed on Islam and Buddhism and else, about terrible intolerant treatment of women, children, untouchables and poor. But we live now in a world where the male terrible autocrats in religions dictate the language and truth in media and literature, throughout all countries, because tolerance of higher quality can only be expected from Ratzinger in Rome. And this brings the new aspects about the real life of Jesus on a higher relative basis.
If you ask me: "Isn't this script not purest scrap, invented in Rome to make Catholicism, Scientology, Islamism and Buddhism sound more attractive?" - I must reply: "All religions will always try to hide that nobody ever will know the real facts about faith, when arranging with all force the well-known holocausts of untainted faith with youth, females, animals and the nature of our Globe, the Earth, causing damages that can never more be cured."
The way Media work these shreddering days, it seems to me that plausibility in matters of religion, be it orthodox or esoteric, is not regarded of major interest and importance, in our boulevardesk Hollywood-World around the year 2000 after Christ. Who wants to bring "interesting stuff" for the masses into journalism of any sorts, on the high intellectual level of Berlusconi, Springer and Murdoch, such as serious researches as presented here, should publish lowest possible intellect, each new day.
That's what people want to read - and not such "serious" stuff about WEF, FED, Bush or Greenspan, concerning tumbling stock exchanges or infrastructures. What readers are longing for are so-called "pragmatic" stories about today's "realities", exceeding by far the truthfulness of the above report. They want heavy stuff on the basis of much greater and more creditable political lies.
René Delavy, Berlin and Bournemouth
Author of "Has Jesus been abused by Popes?" / "Bad times for Japan's past history" / "True Lies about the Great British Empire" / "Bush Impeachment - what's so important about Watergate?" etc.